this is just all the dumb little things that pop into my head, or i find cool for some unknown reason.. i'm sure that one day it'll just seem really tedious and lame but for now.. i don't care.. it's a good way to express my awesomeness as the person i am now

 

Lost

My fiance just told me he wants to wait to get married. He currently is training for an MOS and he’s afraid he’ll flunk out, which means that we haven’t the slightest idea what he’ll be doing or where he’ll be stationed. We WERE going to get married next time he was home… probably around thanksgiving or christmas, depending on when he could get his leave….. but he thinks it will be easier when we at least know where he’ll be stationed and what job he’ll be doing. 

I’ll be a freshman in college this fall and though I know I’ll be spending my freshman year there, I’ve no idea what I’ll be studying or where I’ll be going from there. I NEED to find a cheaper school, and the plan was, at the end of my freshman year, to find somewhere near him or enroll in online classes. I know that the military is very last minute and everything is super indecisive…. but the ONE THING I knew I had was support. That support feels as though it’s just been RIPPED from my hands. I can’t stay at the school I’m going to because there isn’t the money for it, but I can’t just NOT GO. In fact, since he wants to wait, i have no choice BUT to go. I don’t think he understands. My ENTIRE LIFE is now dictated by an organization that doesn’t even recognize my existence, and though he knows that HE’LL have a job with the marines, I have NOTHING. I haven’t a job, or a school, not even a career path. Not even my family is there anymore. All I have is “we’ll get married ONE DAY!”. what am i supposed to do with that? I can’t exactly pussy foot around with no money, no place to live, no job, no family.. it just DOESN’T HAPPEN.